While president of our University chapter of the Public Relations Student Society of America we wanted to send a member from our chapter to the International Conference that was scheduled that year in Tel Aviv, but we didn’t have any money, and we were running out of time. I decided to appeal our case at a meeting of the Business School’s Finance Club. With a large membership, and notoriously flush with cash, they seemed like a good target of opportunity. I spent about an hour making a masterful presentation. How could they possibly say no? Everything went exactly as planned, except they courteously declined. They obviously had been hit up before and were prepared with all the right answers. But, they never really said No.
Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to say No. It’s a powerful but threatening word. It pushes back with extraordinary strength against all our efforts to use it, often with the threat of tears, fear, abandonment, a sense of guilt or feelings of rejection. It is also an ugly word. Try to say no with a smile on your face. Go ahead, try it. While looking in a mirror say no and watch how the muscles in your face react. It’s difficult, and very uncomfortable. Then say yes. It feels great. Even when we want to say No we will often find a way to say yes. It is simply easier, and emotionally fulfilling.
The Club’s leadership had found every way to decline my request, but they couldn’t seem to say the word “no”. So I suddenly, and with no memorable intent, decided to turn our need into an opportunity for them. I stood in the doorway as the members of the club were pressing to leave and quickly formulated a joint venture. In the end they embraced the idea of sponsoring our member, and sending one of their own. I realized later that this sudden reversal of fortune had been made possible by the collective dynamics of the group’s desire to say Yes. They just needed a reason.
It is often necessary in a formal, or corporate, environment to poitely decline. But, I have come to believe that for human beings, given every opportunity, the default response is YES.